I was the girl in elementary school with the retainer wearing the frog jumper. The first time a boy touched my breast, at 15, I laughed hysterically. I was so out of contact with my body I barely felt his hand. I grew up like most girls, feeling unsafe and at odds with what it meant to suddenly become a woman.
If someone had told me then that I would be teaching people that their body was a rich and natural source of joy/pleasure, I would have snotted with laughter. As a teenager I shopped at the Goodwill outlets with old Russian woman who didn’t wear deodorant. I literally wore the same stuff 80 year olds wore, and not in an ironic way. My body had no value to me. Hell, even in my early 20’s I still thought of it as a meat suit.
I guide people into what’s possible because I’ve lived both sides of the story. I know what it feels like to be depressed, disempowered, a survivor of abuse, death, and my own self hatred. I also know what it feels like to come fucking ALIVE.
However, for the sake of transparency here is my honest breakdown of the pros and cons of choosing to be yourself:
– There is no map for you to follow. Others can help guide you back to yourself, but at the end of the day, you are accountable to yourself: your passion, longing, sense of purpose, and natural rhythms.
– You are less interested in pretending. This may mean you let go of relationships that are half assed, and go for the people you can really play with.
– People will be able to see and feel you. So if you are interested in hiding in plain sight, this is not the path for you.
– Certainty. When you are following the map of your personal unfurling, there is no doubt if you are doing the “right” thing.
– Full body pleasure, joy and access to an ecstasy no one has ever talked about. (Except maybe St. Teresa of Avila and other “mystics.”) Surprise! These states are just part of being yourself.
– The capacity to genuinely love. Like REALLY fucking love. And you will be loved back. Without wondering if people are loving the idea of you or the roles you are in.
– You will live a life with no regrets because you are fully INHABITING it. You are listening, engaged, feeling in a way where nothing is getting stored to process later, and well…it is the adventure of a lifetime. Even if you don’t change a thing externally, your relationship to your world will shift profoundly and bring it from black and white to VIVID color.
– You will get up off your knees. Stop apologizing for everything you want, who you are, your voice, and TAKE YOUR NATURAL PLACE in the world. (Imagine how tedious it would be if every living creature kept playing small and apologizing for itself.)
If you’re in Portland, OR this Fall or fancy an adventure, I’ll be teaching my first in person workshops there in two years. WOOOOT! Here they are:
~ Claiming the Feral Feminine September 29th -30 (women only)
~ FUCK YES! A workshop for couples October 13th-14th
~ Passionate Man/ Safe Man October 6- 7th (men only)
I’m offering an introductory price that is only available TODAY! So dive on in or PM me if you’d like me to hold you a spot.
Photo: Barbara McIntyre